Stay-at-Home- day whatever

I think we’re in the 4th week?

I’ve been going through a process here.  First, when every day started seeming the same, I stopped posting.  Easter was uneventful.  Here in southeast Michigan, people are starting to revolt against the stay-at-home orders.  There’s a bunch of people going to Lansing to stage the first part of the rebellion.

I say that facetiously.  At this point, anyway.  Who knows what is going to happen?  I have my opinions.  My opinions don’t mean anything.  I’m kind of middle of the road on this whole thing, but I think it’s going to get worse before it gets better.  I think if the stay-at-home is lifted too soon, then the virus is going to get much worse, fast.  Again, it’s my opinion, and it means nothing.  I think if we don’t get back to work soon, the economy will collapse.  There’s no good answer here.  I don’t agree with the people who think everyone is going to get it and die, and I don’t agree with the people who think America is turning into Communists because -Oh NO!- we have to stay in and protect society from itself.

I could see this going very wrong here in Michigan.  I’m going to try to get some feedback from people in other states and see how things go there.  Michigan, in my opinion (again worthless) never really recovered from the recession so people have never stopped being stressed.  There’s a breaking point with some people.  I’m not one of them.  Maybe because we’ll be okay because our unemployments came through.  With the stimulus check, we should be good through June as long we continue to live frugally.  There’s a chance we can lose our house in the next year if this goes on indefinitely.

So what do we do?  Let people go back to work?  Let us fill the hospitals and other places and let the virus weed out the weak?  It’s happened in the past.  Maybe this is the world’s way of balancing itself.  Maybe it’s a fluke and the people in the world are scrambling to recover in whatever way they can.  Maybe it’s a Biblical prophecy leading to end times.  Maybe we’ll get back to normal someday and maybe this will have lasting repercussions that we can’t envision today.

I’d love to hear what is going on in your corner of the world.

Have a safe and blessed day.

~wavygirl~

Stay at Home- Day 4

Good afternoon.  I have done very little today other than help clean the kitchen table, do my Bible study over text, and eat breakfast.  The stress of not being able to successfully apply for unemployment is mounting.  I’m having issues with one of the pages not processing correctly, and my husband can’t even log in.  I go onto my mortgage site and they say, yes, we can do a forbearance, but at the end of the forbearance period, we want payment in full.

Please, tell me, if I can’t afford my payment now, how am I going to afford a triple payment in 3 months?  Even if I go back to work, it will take us months to catch up.  We have zero disposable income.  I have the money for the house payment.  But, if we can’t get unemployment, we’ll have zero income after next Thursday.  I will wait until then to make the call, though I’ll have about 3 weeks to figure this out.  I’m not paying the house payment if there’s a chance we need that money for food next month.

I’m not looking for pity here.  I’m just relaying what must be a common issue right now.

Also sick of the drama with the leadership of the nation.  How damn hard is it to put the people first and leave your issues and petty squabbles out of it.  Remember this when it comes time to reelect these morons.

What else am I doing today?  Making a trip to the pharmacy for normal meds.  Calling my sister-in-law who was tested yesterday and is quarantined in her home with my brother and nephew.  This is starting to hit close to home.  I was in contact with her last week, so we get to play the waiting game to a degree.  We all feel fine so far.  My last day of work was a week ago.  I miss making money, but I don’t miss going to work, lol.  Maybe it’s time to re-prioritize my life.  Oh wait, I’ve been doing that.

Anyway.  My kids are working and the adults aren’t.  That’s a weird turnabout.  I’m going to try to turn this attitude around.  I haven’t done much this week.  “Oh, I have all this time, I’m going to get some writing done!”  Dude.

~wavygirl~

Day 3- Stay at Home

Today was payday, the last full paycheck my husband will receive.  My whopping 12 hour check will come next week along with his last 8 hour.  It’s starting to hit me.  How are we supposed to pay bills?  So far I’ve deferred my car payment and my student loans.  House is next I suppose.  Phone will not charge late fees or shut us off, but I’m sure they’ll want what’s due them, so I need to keep up on that one for sure.  I haven’t made an itemized list yet, and I’m a little jealous of those who know where their money is coming from, though they are out, possibly risking their lives.

The problem is, I left my job in September of ’18, left for 6 months to work somewhere else, then came back last March.  Something is screwing up unemployment for me and I can’t process my claim.  It’s telling me there’s an error on my work forms, however I can’t correct them because the form is complete, and also, it won’t let me.

So hopefully my husband’s goes through and we can at least be assured of some money going through every other week.  Right now I have a smidge in savings (aka the house payment) so we’ll probably be okay through April.  I’m trying to work on some things around here but it’s difficult.

Yesterday I scrubbed the kitchen cabinets and the shelves in the bathroom.  Today is going to be about laundry.  I also worked on my painting.  I’ll go on tonight and try to figure out the unemployment again, just in case it’s a glitch in their system.  (But my friend was able to, but she hasn’t had 3 jobs in a year, and works full time).

I feel like I should count a few blessings every day.

1. None of us have COVID-19.

2. We aren’t going to lose our home or cars.

3. God is good and He will see us through somehow.  My faith has been stretched lately so I’m having trouble with the one.  Like, I get that God is there and He’s good, but am not sure my boring life will matter much to Him in His grand master plan.

I woke up with an allergy thing (the trees are blooming, that’s a nice thing), and I coughed, just a little.  I’m so paranoid, the first thought that goes into my head is, “Do I have coronavirus?” Because there aren’t 8 million other reasons to cough, right?

Hope this doesn’t go on too long.  It’s only day three and I’m already making myself a little crazy.

~wavygirl~

Day 2- Stay at Home

I’m not sure what the current stats on COVID-19 are here.  I have been at home most of the time.  I don’t understand why I have to fight with grown-ass people to wash their hands.  I mean, really?  I’m reading that the virus can hang in the air for 3 hours, that the shelf life on varying surfaces is up to weeks.  We need to be wary of our mail delivery.

I get it, but I guess it really hasn’t hit home yet.  It feels like living in the start of a sci-fi novel.  Or a dystopian, depending on how much the government will own us afterwards.  Will we really go back to business as usual after all this?

Yesterday I didn’t do a whole lot.  Watched a couple movies.  Did some laundry.  Played on my phone  I deleted that game because it runs in the background and I don’t have time to stare at a screen all day when I should be using this down time to work on my damn novel.  Took grandbaby for a walk to play Pokemon Go.  Maintained social distancing during said walk.  My code is 9822 1671 5381 if anyone wants to add me.

Sorry about the language today.  Feel bad for my family that I woke of grumpy.  I’m going to try to explain things in small words and see if they listen.  I’m going to do my Bible study with my friend over text.  I’m going to finish the waterfall in my painting.  I’m going to go into the yard and pick up dog poop.  I’m going to do my Q & A on my fantasy novel.  Can I get that all done in one day?  I don’t know.  Notice how none of it involves sitting on a screen.

I really don’t want to catch this.  By all accounts, it’s awful and painful.  Except for the people walking around who don’t know that have it.  Scary stuff.  I think my younger daughter gets it.  She seems quite content to stay home.  Families are complicated in good times.  He’s happy to be the store runner, I’m happy to be the list maker.  I will need a prescription filled so I’ll have to deal with that in the coming week.  I have to deal with my taxes.  Life goes on even when it’s on hold.

Stay safe out there, my friends.  Feel free to comment on what is going on in your personal corner of the world.

~wavygirl~

Day 1 of Stay-At-Home (3/24)

Weird, not going to work.  Not getting ready for work.  I’ve pretty much been staying in since Friday, except for taking a walk periodically outside, so not much will change except I need to get people to stop going to the damn store!  How hard is it to make a list and hold off another day!  We are fortunate to live near plentiful stores and so are in the habit of going whenever we want.

I was laid off on Friday due to the clinic being super slow.  Meal planning.  Getting our bills taken care of.  Some may be late.  We live paycheck to paycheck so things are going to be interesting.

That being said, I have a phone job interview/inquiry today.  It kind of came out of the blue.  Not sure how you can train someone and maintain a 6 foot distance but hey, I need some experience talking to strangers.

I’m in Michigan, by the way.  Governor Whitmer made the call yesterday.  I feel a little guilty and little purposeless at this time.  My kids in food-service are currently working.  My husband got laid off yesterday.  I see lots of puttering in the garage in his future.

I do not yet know anyone personally that has been diagnosed with COVID-19.  The stats for my state are as follows: 15 deceased, 1,328 confirmed cases.  Plus who knows how many unconfirmed cases.  I’m trying to avoid Facebook, as it is stressing me out.

I guess my job is to plan, keep everyone off each other’s backs, and stay healthy.  There are 5 in our household.  Wish me luck!

~wavygirl~

COVID-19

I just saw that I haven’t written anything on this site since last August.  I have been writing in a small group, doing writing prompts and having discussions about issues thereof.

Last fall was hard for me.  My friend was losing her dad, having marital issues, and pulling away from everything.  I have tried and failed many times to find a new job and I believe I went through a period of burnout.

In October, I had a wonky mammogram that culminated in a surgical biopsy (negative, praise God) in January and the subsequent healing process.

Now, this.

I’m not as stressed as I was in the fall or winter.  But just writing those few sentences makes me realize that I have a lot more going on than I thought and I need to take care of myself.

So….  I feel fine.  People around me are having varying levels of anxiety.  I’m worried about bills as I was laid off yesterday until the first.

Isn’t this kind of insane?  The hoarding of food, the rubber gloves littering parking lots, trying to stay in and not go crazy?  Writing helps.  I am stressed.  A normal amount of stressed.  Yes, I worry.  My daughter is meant to start a new job tomorrow.  I’ve kind of stopped going online.  I check the numbers in the afternoon and am starting to avoid the news because it’s followed by a bunch of moronic rants.  So much misinformation and hate and…. seriously, do these people think President Trump invented this and spread it for political gain?

*sigh.

I have literally nothing to do for the next 10 days.  A little painting.  A little cleaning.  Reading an interesting Biblical commentary on 1 Samuel.  Trying to keep people from arguing and bickering.  Trying to help entertain a 4 year old.  I pray I don’t get sick.  I guess I’ll be on here, lol.

Be careful, everyone!

~wavygirl~

 

 

Hopeful

I realize I’ve done a lot of complaining on this site.  I am changing that, starting now.  I’m not saying I’m never going to whine again, but it will be less in bulk.  I’m reading a weird self-help book entitled “You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero.  ($9.60 on Amazon).

On the surface, this book is kind of New-Age, but when she talks about God, it hit home for me.  I’m not sure she believes in God the way I do, but she talks a lot about faith and how important it is to believe.

I’m so mired in debt and doubt and loans and a boss who won’t give me full time hours and every month things are a little tighter.  But I have good health, and a will to learn.  My faith has changed in the past year and a half, and reading this book has taught me that I need to dump my doubts, get over the crap that happened in the past (I’m pretty sure I blogged about the bullying I went through in the past, but I’m not sure how to link to it.

A couple weeks ago, I had an epiphany.  I need to lose the fear I’ve carried with me my whole life.  Fear that is such a part of me that I barely notice it.  It’s that little voice that says, “You aren’t good enough.  You aren’t talented enough.  Stay here where it’s comfortable.  You have a good husband and you have your health and daughters who love you.”  But I want to start writing again, painting again.  Reclaiming my old dreams that were lost in the dust before they even started.

Not that I want to leave my husband.  Not that I’m going to leave my job, right now at least.  But I need to settle my mind.  The job hunt has taken a toll on me emotionally, and I’m in a place where I need to rest, write, and learn to have faith.  Learn to do what the Bible says and learn what it means to trust God and not lean on my own understanding.  What it means when it says fear not, I will take care of you.

I’m just starting this journey.  I plan to get a counselor to help me through some of it.  Some of it might hurt.  But I will never evolve into the person I want to be if I stay mired in fear and complacency.  My personal rut is not without its rewards, which is why I’ve stayed there so long.

~wavygirl~

Found inner pea…. oh wait.

Things have been stressful around here.  The ongoing job hunt has me stressed.  Kids 17-22 who don’t have jobs.  Working 2 jobs.  I’m just done.

I had a mini-mental breakdown after a job interview on Monday that went well.  I know, I know.  It’s just not a job I particularly want, and since I haven’t been offered a position yet (I know she is doing more interviews tomorrow, so it’s really a waiting game).

I’m just afraid I’m going to screw someone over.  Like, find a job in my old field and suddenly have an offer in a new field.  Then I have to deal with that change.  So to me, it’s easier to stay where I am for the moment and play the long game.  I know the people, I know the patients.  I just don’t know why my current job won’t up my hours.  We have more patients right now.  We have a person who just left.  I thought it would be a good time to discuss increasing my hours.  She shot me down.  And I don’t trust her in the long term to do what she says for the long term.  I don’t trust the industry to stay busy.  I want out of healthcare so bad, but the pay is good and I have student loans to pay off.  Right now, best case scenario, I stay in healthcare 10 more years and then I can do what I want.  I’ll be 56 in 10 years.  My chances of getting hired at a good job after age 50 are slim.  I was in such a good mood this morning but the energy emanating off my kids is stressing me out.  I don’t really think they care that they are mooching off us.  I’ll let the 17 year old slide until she’s 18 but the other one graduated college in December and is still sitting around here.  She is holding out for a job in her field.

Well, my dear, I feel your pain.  I’ve been job-hunting on my degree for about a year and a half and haven’t gotten a single call from anyone other than minimum wage crap.  I’m 46 with 2 degrees and my second job pays minimum wage.

Evidently the whining is continuing from my last post.  My next one will be more positive, I promise.  I’m going to talk about yesterday and this morning, my prayers and meditations, and my resolve to move to something better.  My discussion with my boss is part of that.  If I’m offered that job tomorrow, I need to know what to tell them, right?  I don’t really want it, but the pay will be good and I’ll have good benefits and might be able to pay off my loans in half the time.

After that spew of negativity (sorry, I’m not always like this), I’m going to list 3 blessings:

1.  Our car is fixed and back in our driveway.
2. I’m grateful to have 3 wonderful friends who have my back.
3. After 16 years of marriage, my husband and I are still strong and in love.

Thanks for reading!  Someday I’ll read this series of posts back to myself and marvel at the journey.

~wavygirl~

 

 

 

I learned a hard lesson. (warning: whine-fest)

Unfortunately for me, it’s too late.

You ever hear, “It’s never too late to go to college!”

“Get your degree, it’ll be a great asset!”

Lies.  It’s all lies.

As I have mentioned in the past, I work in physical therapy.  I’m trying to get out of it for a variety of reasons I won’t go into, but in the process, I went back to college for a degree in leadership and management.

I obtained said degree in April of 2018.  Would you like to know, out of 100s of applications for management, recruiting, human  resources, etc. how many calls I’ve received for interviews?

Zero.  Zip.  Nada.

And now, I have an avalanche of student loans that I had to get a second job to afford.  My current employer (in physical therapy) won’t allow me more than 25 hours a week.  If I had full time, we’d be okay.

I have deferred my student loans twice, and in a last ditch effort to be able to manage this crippling debt, I got a second job.  I have never worked two jobs in the past.  I hate it.  I have not worked weekends since ’01.  I am currently on Day 10 of working.  Tomorrow is Day 11, and then I’m off for the weekend, praise Jesus.

So is my degree just simply useless?  Is my time working in healthcare a complete waste?  Am I too old for companies?  (Not that they would know my age as they’ve never called me).

I despise ranting about money.  I hate when my life is consumed with worry about bills and how I’m going to pay the cable or the water bill.  It demonstrates such a lack of faith.

I’m so tired of the job search.  It’s so wearing, knowing that I’m wasting my time but applying anyway because “if I don’t apply, then I’ll for sure never get it.”

I just feel worn out and frustrated, seeing as how I just got paid and my money is already gone.  I’m already working 2 weeks out.  In another month, if nothing changes, It’s gonna be three weeks.  In two months, if nothing changes, I’m going to start being a month behind.

That being said, I’m paying off two credit cards today.  Other stuff is gonna be late, but in the long run it’ll be worth it.

Sorry about the whining.  I was just hoping to get it off my chest so it won’t weigh me down.  I’m just really tired and I can’t wait for the work week to be over.

~wavygirl~

 

Processing Life – Part 1

It all started last summer.  It was hot.  I was cranky.  I was burned out from school, and my job wasn’t helping either.  I was tired of working alone for 8-10 hour days.  With my super introverted co-worker who made me look like….  well someone who liked to talk a lot, which I’m not really, though I do enjoy regular conversation… it was lonely as well.  I felt like I had too much on my plate so when I was emailed a job offer, I thought that it was just my time to move on.

So, I put in my two week notice, and when it was done, I cried when I gave them my keys.  I would like to note that usually when it’s time to move on, I feel this weight slip off my shoulders, but this time, I was unhappy.  I knew it wasn’t a good thing, but I shrugged it off to just my general unhappy.  Maybe I had some low-key depression going on.  I don’t know.  Maybe I still do.  My 17 year old certainly wasn’t helping.

After 1 week at my knew job, I knew it wasn’t for me.  I called my former boss to see if my position was filled, and it was.

So I’ve been trying and trying and trying to find a job, and failing.  My degree in leadership and management gets dustier as the days go on, and I feel pressure to make decisions about my future- after all, I’m almost 46, not getting any younger here!  I wish I hadn’t gone back to school.  I can admit that at 3 in the morning when I can’t sleep and I’ve been up since 1:45.  Then we could have refinanced our house and been relatively debt free.  Instead, I have 10 years of debt to pay back.  What the hell was I thinking?

My husband said God has a plan and I just need to wait on His timing.

I’m so tired of waiting.

Actually, right now, I’m just tired.  And sad.  And things are starting to change and I’m also a little afraid.  Some days, I don’t feel like I’m good for anything except loving my husband.  I have him, and he’s been my rock the past 5 months, and I know I haven’t been easy to live with.  I’m trying to pray tonight, and I am so stressed (I will just say for now I put in my notice and my current boss is pressuring me to stay, and it’s upsetting me).  I’m going back to my old job, 3 days a week, and will get a different job doing something else in another field the other 2 days.  Again, more on that later.  The next three weeks can’t pass fast enough (only he wants me to stay for 4 more instead of 3).

My thoughts are fairly disjointed this early in the day, but I’m gonna post anyway.  Please forgive my sleep-deprived errors.

~wavygirl~