Monthly Archives: October 2013

I Wish I Knew What Goes On In Your Mind (poem)


You are the sunlight to me

Bringing life and light to my shadowy, quiet corner of the world.

When I curl up inside myself, you pull me out into the sun.

You are helpful and loving and sweet

When you forget to be a sullen child

Like you don’t have a choice.

You won’t talk about it

But I know, you are thinking about it. 

Thinking about life, and choices you make

And how hard it can be sometimes

My love for you is beyond your understanding,

And how you have the power to cut me.

Maybe that’s good that you don’t know.

I wish I knew what goes on in your mind

What chaos of randomness and dichotomy of darkness and light

Lies inside your head

What rages in your mind when you shout

And pout and fear?

I’m not sure that even you understand sometimes,

And that the words to describe your angst are beyond your young years.

But if you could tell me

I would listen.

I love you, my child.



Corn Maze


D1, D2, D2’s friend, and myself went to the corn maze yesterday.

It was a beautiful day, a bit chilly, but nothing a sweatshirt couldn’t handle.  We saved $2 each with a coupon, and went in to try to pet the llamas.  The llamas wanted nothing to do with us, as we hadn’t purchased the cone of food to feed them with.  They looked at us with their shiny black eyes and then looked at our outstretched hands, wishing only for a pat on the head or something.  Then they moved every so slightly out of arm’s reach.  Dissed by a llama.

There was also a pair of pheasants, some bunnies and the biggest rabbit I’d ever seen in a pen. and a couple goats.  The goats weren’t too good to let us pat them a little, so we did, while thumbing our noses at the snooty llamas. 

Next on the agenda was the Right Turn Only maze.  It is made from haybales laid on end, and you can only turn right to go through it.  It took me a few minutes the first time.  The rules state that you may only turn right, or go straight.  The first time I ever did it (last year) I didn’t realize that you didn’t have to come to a complete stop at a wall before turning right; I could turn right anywhere.

D2 said on the way home, “What about reverse?  That’s straight.”

“That’s not the rule,” I replied.

“Did it say that?” she asked.  (She always has to have the last word) 

I don’t know if it did or not.  I think she’s smarter than me.

Anyway, after the right-turn only maze, we headed for the corn maze.  D1 was already ticked off that I made her come (get some fresh air and fall sunshine- HORRIBLE MOM- so she snarked off by herself.  I saw her head into maze 2 (the smaller maze) so I checked with D2 and friend to see if they wanted me to go with them.

Of course not.  So I trudged off into maze 1 solo with my map and my wits.  The corn was about 7 feet tall, way over my head, and it rustled in the breezes that blew through occasionally.  Usually I get a little creeped out in that kind of setting (think Children of the Corn) but there were lots of people everywhere, searching their way through the paths.  There aren’t any dead ends or anything, so it would be hard to get truly lost, or ticked off for that matter (unless you are my husband, in which case, all bets are off), but it is easy to lose one’s bearings, which happened to me twice.

Anyway, I got near the end of the maze, and went into maze 2.  Maze 2 was much smaller, but there is a “mystery” scavenger hunt going on here.  You have to find whodunnit in the barnyard mystery.  LOL. 

So I’m dumb and got it wrong, because I clicked the barn instead of the shed, no idea what I was thinking.  I’ll have to take a pic, but what it is, is you have a paper with the imaginary barnyard animals, locations, and murder weapons (like Clue, I guess) and you have to find all the locations in the maze, and punch the paper with a hole puncher, and whatever is left is the culprit.  Lame, yes, but I had fun anyway wandering around by myself. 

I had to wonder where the girls were when I got out.  How long was I going to have to wait for them?

Turns out, they beat me, and were on top of the 20 foot tall haystack in the barnyard. 

Anyway, a fun day out, and I’m glad I dragged them all with me.

Hubbie had to work.  Probably intentional.  He hates mazes.  Plus, he’s absurdly good at them.  Kinda ruins the fun.


A Spooky Story


Regan slowly walked home from school, lost in thought and heartsick from breaking up with her boyfriend, Jeff, earlier that day.  He’d grown more and more distant, and stopped calling her every day, and she’d held onto him as long as she could.  Apparently, he’d been too afraid to break her heart, so she did the breaking.

On one hand, she felt empowered by the incident.  She’d done the breaking off, not him.  And he’d been weak, therefore, she was the strong one, right?


She sighed, and glanced up, finally noticing the fog that was drifting through the trees.  Weird weather for the end of October.  She shivered as the damp air permeated her hoodie, and she picked up her pace to get her blood flowing again.  Another half mile, and she’d be home.  Ten minutes.

The fog got thicker, and deeper, and soon she couldn’t see ten feet in front of her.  She kept on going down the road, but the stillness and quiet of the woods around her began to unnerve her, and she hitched up her backpack and began to take it at a jog. 

A movement in the hazy gray caught her eye; she jerked her head to the left.  She saw nothing except the soft black bones of the leafless trees in the monochromatic air.  Again, movement, just out of her visual field.  She turned her head to the right, and, again, nothing.

She began to run in earnest now, hearing the sounds of her shoes pounding the gravel and the harsh gasp of her breath in her lungs.  Was there something over and beyond the immediate sounds?

Her mailbox loomed in front of her – she’d almost missed it in the fog- and she swerved into her dirt driveway, almost skidding and falling on the loose stones underfoot.  But she kept her footing and kept going.  Another hundred yards and she’d be there. 

Please let the door be unlocked, she prayed without thinking.

It was.

She opened it and slammed it behind her.

“Regan?  Is that you?”  her mother leaned out from kitchen.  “What’s wrong?”

Regan panted and had to get her breath, and she frowned while she thought about it.  Truly, nothing had actually happened.  “I don’t know mom.  The fog freaked me out, and I guess I panicked a little.”

Her mom came over and put a hand on her forehead.  “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“There’s no fog out there, sweetie,” she said, and pulled open the curtain to reveal a clear blue late afternoon sky.

Regan looked out the window, and wondered what had just happened. 

Allergy Sunday


I’m just going to rename Sunday to Allerday.  Or something equally stupid.

Sunday is MY day.  Well, yes, it’s God’s day too.  But it is the day I relax, catch up on stuff, chill out.  And sitting around with sinus drainage, leaky nose, and sneeziness is NOT my idea of relaxing.  I want to go to church but my sinus headache is rearing it’s ugly head.  I want to go to the corn maze, but is it worth it if I have to drag along a box of Kleenex?

AND, it’s the third Sunday in a row where this has occurred.

Omigod.  Daughter #2 just told to me just stop having them.  Alrighty then.

Me to sinuses:  You can leave now.  You’re not welcome here.  Just.  Go.

Sinuses to me:  You know that’s ridiculous, right?

Me:  Yes, I know, but go away anyway.”

Sinuses:  No, I think I’m good.  Thanks anyway.

Welcome home, sinuses.  Why don’t you stay the whole week?  Everyone reading this, it’s a good time to buy stock in whatever corporation that makes Puffs Plus.

You’re welcome.



Freezing in here.


Three weeks ago, I was whining because it was too hot out.  We had three beautiful weeks in the 60s, and now I had frost on my window this morning.

Which I suppose is par for the course in southeast Michigan for the end of October. 

Good thing that National Novel Writing Month is coming up in November.  I always associate November with cold rain and nothing ever happens until Thanksgiving.  So if I’m writing a novel, I’ll be too busy to worry about the fact that it’s too cold and damp to go outside.

Anyway, I need new curtains for the bedroom, heavy ones that help block out the cold.  Oooh, while I’m at it, I should put up some of that plastic that helps keep the warm air in?  I really don’t think I’ll be opening these windows again until next March at the earliest.  I know I’m old, when that thought makes me happy. 

Happy Birthday to my mom and my niece.  🙂

Cold.  Need some tea or cocoa.  Caffeine free, of course (I think I wrote an insomniac post at some point.  I’m sure there’s a way to link it if I wanted, but I’m pretty slow at picking up the WordPress details.

Obviously, besides the fact that I’m perseverating on the cold, I really have nothing important to say. 

So, good night!


I’m wishy washy.


Last week, I went to work, and I announced that I might want to go back to school.

For what?  I don’t know.  This was the problem that I had when I was in high school, trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grow up.  I wanted to be an artist.  A writer.  Someone who won the lottery and didn’t have to worry about such mundane things as ‘what to be’.

I spent a little time in my 20s thinking about get-rich-quick schemes and work at home opportunities.  Mostly, I didn’t want to work as hard as I would need to to accomplish any of those things.  I don’t have the drive to be an artist.  I like art, but I don’t want to live and breathe it.

I do like writing, though.

This week, I went to work and announced that I wanted to teach English.  Why?  Because I like writing, and I want the summers off?  LMAO.  Must have a better reason that that to go into debt.  What about scholarships for 40 year old wanna-bes?  Also, I make about what a teacher makes.  And a journalist, too, for that matter.

Anyway, today, I announced to the woman I work with, “There’s a college class I’d like to take, but it’s only on Wednesday afternoons.”

Her response?  “Well, that’s not going to work.”

I’m sorry?  What?  Let me dig the wax out of my ears and hear that again.   Because just because you want to be stuck in this nowhere job for the rest of your life (our boss is not a pleasant person) doesn’t mean that I do.  And if I want to take a college class, who are you to stop me?  It was a journalism class at the community college.  I thought it would be a good idea to start small before I go enrolling in university and then wondering what on earth I’m doing.  Just to get my feet wet, so to speak.  See if journalism is something I even like or show an affinity for.

Then I saw that the class schedule was for this semester and not the next one.  I’m gonna be praying that maybe there’ll be a class time that will work for me next semester.

I really can’t believe how irritated I am by that conversation.

But I’m probably not teacher material, no matter how much I’d love to have summers off, I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.

Next week, I’ll probably change my mind again.


Going to Church this morning


That is, if I can get two adolescent girls off their DS games and into the car.  Time to go whoop some girlie butt.

Praise God!  I have healthy kids who have the ability to defy me!  Some parents don’t have that and are longing for their children to behave so normally.  I pray for them today. 

Loving life!