I know I’m supposed to forgive, and keep forgiving until the job is done. It’s just more difficult for me when:
a. the person probably doesn’t know and/or care that they’ve wronged me and mine.
b. the person thinks they were right and that I over-reacted.
c. the offense was not against me, but my (and theirs, for that matter) family member.
and d. this person was such a hypocrite in what they say and what they don’t do that it’s mystifying.
I’m not going to state what was done, and I’m not going to state who did it. I’m just going to state that I have trouble forgiving people who can’t or won’t apologize, and that I know that God can’t be happy with me if I can’t or won’t forgive him or her, regardless. And that sticks in my craw. My selfish, human side is stating that they don’t deserve forgiveness, and that until they apologize, I should shut them out.
My Bible says to forgive. No qualifications.
I can state for the record that the set of circumstances that lead to this will not be repeated. That makes me sad and glad at the same time. And a little afraid, because I know that know one will understand, and they will think I’m being selfish, and that I’m the one who needs to apologize.
I’m messed up. I don’t like conflict, and I don’t like apologizing when it isn’t warranted.
Sounds like I need to go to prayer and get rid of this negative thought pattern I’m caught in. I NEED FORGIVENESS right now from God. And maybe I need to open a new line of communication with these people.
And that is the most difficult thing for me. Because they’ll listen and agree, and then maybe talk about me behind my back and fall right back into the same pattern. I’m done with the old pattern. But part of that is talking with the people and trying to get them to understand.
But first, I need to forgive them.