It all started last summer. It was hot. I was cranky. I was burned out from school, and my job wasn’t helping either. I was tired of working alone for 8-10 hour days. With my super introverted co-worker who made me look like…. well someone who liked to talk a lot, which I’m not really, though I do enjoy regular conversation… it was lonely as well. I felt like I had too much on my plate so when I was emailed a job offer, I thought that it was just my time to move on.
So, I put in my two week notice, and when it was done, I cried when I gave them my keys. I would like to note that usually when it’s time to move on, I feel this weight slip off my shoulders, but this time, I was unhappy. I knew it wasn’t a good thing, but I shrugged it off to just my general unhappy. Maybe I had some low-key depression going on. I don’t know. Maybe I still do. My 17 year old certainly wasn’t helping.
After 1 week at my knew job, I knew it wasn’t for me. I called my former boss to see if my position was filled, and it was.
So I’ve been trying and trying and trying to find a job, and failing. My degree in leadership and management gets dustier as the days go on, and I feel pressure to make decisions about my future- after all, I’m almost 46, not getting any younger here! I wish I hadn’t gone back to school. I can admit that at 3 in the morning when I can’t sleep and I’ve been up since 1:45. Then we could have refinanced our house and been relatively debt free. Instead, I have 10 years of debt to pay back. What the hell was I thinking?
My husband said God has a plan and I just need to wait on His timing.
I’m so tired of waiting.
Actually, right now, I’m just tired. And sad. And things are starting to change and I’m also a little afraid. Some days, I don’t feel like I’m good for anything except loving my husband. I have him, and he’s been my rock the past 5 months, and I know I haven’t been easy to live with. I’m trying to pray tonight, and I am so stressed (I will just say for now I put in my notice and my current boss is pressuring me to stay, and it’s upsetting me). I’m going back to my old job, 3 days a week, and will get a different job doing something else in another field the other 2 days. Again, more on that later. The next three weeks can’t pass fast enough (only he wants me to stay for 4 more instead of 3).
My thoughts are fairly disjointed this early in the day, but I’m gonna post anyway. Please forgive my sleep-deprived errors.