Monthly Archives: October 2014

NaNoWriMo 2014 Countdown!


One hour and thirty-four minutes to go.

I have to be honest.  I really wasn’t going to do Nano this year, not until I found out that October 31 was on a Friday and I could stay up all night getting my write on.  It seemed fortuitous.

I did a little planning.  Probably not as much as I should have, but much less than I did last year.  The year before last, I pantsed my ass off and actually won!  I’m trying to learn from my mistakes each year, and last year’s mistake was over-planning and letting my story take off and turn from paranormal into a very normal YA romance.  There’s a chapter of it floating around here.

So for some reason I like writing paranormal stuff.  Edgy, moody.  I don’t know if it comes off that way, but that’s the way I like to pretend it sounds in my head, anyway.

So I have a character: Samantha Oakley.
I have a town: Clearview, MI (fictitious) which lies on the shores of Lake Huron in Michigan’s thumb.
I have a nemesis: Grandpa who was ornery alive and remains ornery as a ghost. Also, some old friends who hate her because she turned on them in high school. An old boyfriend who in intrigued by a new and grown up Sam. A mother who is trying to guilt her into staying in Clearview. A boss who is giving her a last chance in her career, and if she fails, she may as well not come back.

What is the plural for nemesis? Nemeses? Nemesi? Nemesises? I haven’t a clue, but I’m pretty sure that as an amateur novelist and aspiring writer, I should at the very least look it up. On the other hand, the only one not showing red in spell check is Nemeses. Weird.

I want to double my word goal for the first couple days to get a bit ahead.

The wind outside is gusting and rushing like an invisible river through the trees, and I’m already yawning. I wanted to stay up until midnight and write a few pages but now I’m thinking that I might want to get some sleep and start in the morning. I don’t write well when I’m over tired…. Or I’m procrastinating. I can’t really tell. Maybe I’ll try to go to sleep and if I can’t, then I’ll get up again?

I really want to win this thing. I want to finish. I want to be published one day.

It all starts in one hour and thirteen minutes.


I should rename my blog.


To “Finding myself through whining”.

I’m starting to not feel so disconnected to everyone, but I also think that’s why I was whining so much here.  I needed an outlet at that time to let things out.  I really think reading about joy has been helping.

Last night, though, I started to laugh at myself.  I’m truly on some sort of crooked and narrow path to self-discovery.

So, I usually work late twice a week.  But the time that I was there was slow, and out of the goodness of my heart, I volunteered to go in late as they’d screwed over my co worker and double booked him for the last two hours of the day.  One of those was an evaluation as well.  Also, there was someone there I wanted to snicker at a little.

Turns out my help was needed, and instead of snickering, I provided (maybe) a little moral support.  So, it worked out better than I’d planned.

However, when I went home, I was grumpy.  I mean, just so irritable.  It wasn’t because I worked late.  It was because I heard them over-booking me on Friday, and I know my co-worker isn’t going to stay to bail me out.  So I guess I was mad because I felt like I had to stay late and then I got screwed.

After awhile, common sense struck me.  What’s the difference if I’m double booked and find out about it now or later?  And my help was needed.  AND….  I can’t emphasize this AND enough…..  I volunteered.  How stupid of me to VOLUNTEER and then WHINE about it like a little girl whose ice cream fell in the dirt.  No one put a gun to my head.  I could have went home early, because really, it was either lose two hours of pay, or come back and make it up.  It’s not like I didn’t get paid for it.

Anyway.  I shake my head at myself in disbelief.

An epiphany?  Maybe not.  A moment of personal growth?  Probably not so much.  I’m probably going to repeat that behavior over and over in my life.

I wish I could have taken my joy out of knowing I was a blessing to someone, instead of whining like a child.

I’ve said it before:  I’m a work in progress.  Only God knows where I will stand eventually, and I pray daily that He will turn me into the person he wants me to be and give me an understanding of my sins to better control them.


Joy in the Moment


I woke up this morning, not feeling particularly joyful, in fact, feeling in pain.  Mostly in my left index finger at the distal joint.  Feels like a sprain, kind of a dull ache with movement.  Not at all a big thing, but I was mentally whining about it.  Then I got out of bed.  Feet hurt, low back aches, both shoulders in pain.

I know, I know, I’m getting older.

I went so far as to go on the internet and google joint pain.  There’s lots of scary stuff out there in the world of autoimmune arthritis, and I don’t recommend searching for them unless you absolutely need to.

However, I didn’t find anything that sounds like my aches, so I’m going with old age, need to lose more weight, and need to exercise more.  I know I’ve said before that when I eat well, I feel better.  And it’s an off week again.  I’ll restock my home with all my low carb goodies on Friday when I get paid.

So my joy in the moment is that I hurt less after moving around and taking a warm shower, I still have the ability to rant on the internet, and in ten minutes, I get to eat breakfast.  I think I will make French toast this morning, heavy on the egg for a little extra protein.

I’m praying for a friend as well, just for her emotional well-being and spiritual growth.

I’m reading a book called “Shaking Her Assets” by Robin Epstein and Renee Kaplan.  If you are a fan of humor and chick lit, I highly recommend it.  I bought it awhile ago at a used book store, along with Stephen King’s “Rose Madder, and “The Yada Yada Prayer Group” by Neta Jackson.  It’s been awhile since I’ve grabbed a book and couldn’t put it down, though.  Is the writing out there getting worse, or is my attention span going down?  Maybe a little of both.

Anyway, going to take my aches and my joy and my prayers and my books, and get going to have a fabulous day.

Fabulous is in the eye of the beholder, right?  I’m actually going to have a yell-fest with my daughter (maybe) and then go to work!  Wheeeeee!


I love writing!


I enjoy everything about it.  I like the planning, I like inventing the plot and making each scene flow to the next.  I like the fact that I’ve changed my mind and am doing NanoWriMo.  The convincing factor in my opinion, is that Halloween is on a Friday and I can veg out in front of my computer literally all weekend if I want!

It’s another ghost story though.  I don’t consider myself to be a ghost fan, I think that they exist, but that I myself am so closed off to their presence, and I would never consider staying in a haunted house.  I don’t like to watch scary movies.

I do, however, like adventure with a side of paranormal.

This blog is going to turn into a dumping ground for whatever random thoughts happen in November.  I’ll probably develop an addiction to coffee (I hate coffee) and gain 15 pounds.  I may even get pressure ulcers from sitting too long.

Okay.  That’s all a lie.  What will more than likely happen is I will get writer’s block about halfway through and fizzle out around the 27,000 mark, probably around November 20th.

Anyway, I find the planning and research stage to be a wonderful motivator.  I have a first scene in my head.  I love the crazy thoughts that run through my head all day at work when I can’t wait to get back to my story.  I love the feeling of a good day’s writing, and all feels right with the world.  I do have to say that revision is a pain.  If I could make a living on rough drafts, I’d do it.  And I will have to get back to and finish revising my other book after, but I’m going to drop it, and let it go for the next six weeks.

And I know ghosts and undead and ghouls are probably all overdone, but hopefully I can twist it enough to make it interesting!  And there’s a cameo from a woman in my other book.  She ran away in a time of crisis, and her story will need to be finished at some point, but this is the story of Samantha Oakley, of Clearview, MI (fake town), who has to deal with a past that is rapidly catching up to her, as well as a ghost who won’t cooperate for her.

Is it weird that I’m a Christian who likes to write about the supernatural and enjoys Halloween?


Sleepy (but Happy) Time


Jittery again last night.  Could be the sugar withdrawals from re-starting my diet?  Perhaps, but makes for a wakeful night.

Also, a chilly morning makes for me to want to cuddle up in my bed and stay in my warm little cocoon.  That is quite possibly one of my favorite moments of the day; you know, that one where you are warm and toasty, comfortable before the aches of the day hit you, and there’s a shining moment of silence and sleepy peace before the business of the day begins.

Plus I get an extra 45 minutes of peace this morning because I go to work a little later today.  (Plus I stay later, but we’re going to focus on the wonderfulness in the morning, and worry about having to work late later)

I’m reading a book on how to find joy in each moment and not just looking forward to (or dreading) the day ahead.  So I guess my happy moments are my warm little moment in bed before finally crawling out into the chill October morning air, my quiet moments, my daughter is up and getting ready for school in a timely manner for once, and writing this blog for you all.

See?  Lots of things to be happy about, if I know where to look.  It’s interesting to just stop in the middle of my worries and say, “Where can I find joy in this moment?”  I’m not very good at it yet.  And I’m still a little sleepy.  But happy.


Weight Gain, Weight Loss


I spent the past two months not really dieting well, due to camping trips, stress, weekend activities (it’s amazing how a weekend activity will screw up a whole weeks worth of eating), and just not making good choices at the grocery store.

I did pretty well, actually, since I kind of stopped exercising regularly at that point as well.  I only regained 1.5 pounds in that time, which as I know could very well be fluctuation in water or whatever.  I credit this toward being correctly diagnosed with a thyroid disorder.  If I weren’t on that little pill every morning, I (a.) wouldn’t have lost almost 19 pounds, and (b.) would have regained it in the past two months.

At any rate, I’m back on my low carb diet, because it’s the only diet I can seem to remotely follow; every other diet gives me too many options, my will power can’t stand those extra points that might allow me a cookie or keeping tabs on every calorie that goes into my mouth.  It’s so much easier to just eat meat, cheese, veggies, berries, salads, home made low carb soups, and get on with my life.  Yes, there is some planning involved.

I don’t have a weight that fluctuates that much throughout the day, and doesn’t change with exercise, only with good eating.  Exercise will help me tone, but I have gained weight when eating poorly and exercising regularly.  And stress, don’t even get me started on stress.  Which, I know exercise helps stress.

Anyway, I’ve lost a couple pounds this weeks.  I started at 222.2 back in January, and my scale said 203.4 (on the Wii Fit) a couple days ago.  I would really like to get below 200 by the end of October.  My weight stabilized (I really thought I was going to regain, and was happy that didn’t happen)

I haven’t been below 200 since 2010 when unemployment stress made me gain 15 pounds that I haven’t been able to shake since.  Plus some, over the past few years.  I think a total of 25 pounds?  So my initial goal is simply to get back down to my weight prior to being fired and having stress.  Which was around 195.  I’d like to meet that goal by the end of 2014.

My 2015 goal will be to get back down to my pre-return-to-college weight of 174, which was in 2003.  Eventually more than that, and I know if I eat right consistently, it’ll happen faster.  I’m really curious as to what my total gone for 2014 will be.  I hope I don’t lose it around Halloween and start chowing down like a hamster on speed and don’t stop until January 1.  that will make me sad indeed.

Oh, and when I hit 174, I plan to get a new tattoo.  Yes, my reward for pain and suffering is more pain and suffering.  And permanent artwork.

May the next two month be better than the last two months!


College thoughts again.


This time I’m thinking about college for a new reason.

I’m a physical therapist assistant, and I work in an outpatient clinic, and I like my job for the most part.

However, my boss impressed upon all of us how much less we are making this year, probably due to Obamacare, Medicare and all of the Medicaids are paying less money per treatment.  Basically, we get paid less per patient in an hour than I make in an hour.  If they decide to pay at all, that is.

I can’t help but wonder how secure my job (in an outpatient setting) will be in 5-10 years.  I have absolutely no interest in working in a nursing home or in a hospital setting.  I’m almost certain that as this year comes to an end, and the next year begins, I will be phased down to part time for the first part of the year.  If that happens, I need to be prepared.  I may have to look for a second job until things pick up.  I really don’t know what to do, but I’m thinking some further education, perhaps a second associate’s degree instead of going for a Bachelor’s, might be a good idea.  I’m not sure what to go for, but I know if I go back, I want to get out of health care.

I’m really quite frustrated with the state of health care.  I just need a stable, full time job that I can count on.  My daughter will be done with college in 3.5 years, my other daughter will be done with high school in 4.5 years.  I’m not really sure, but I’m almost thinking I’d like to get a job in another state.  I’ve never done a big move.  I grew up 20 minutes from where I live now, and have never really lived further away than that ever.  I would like to experience more than this small corner of Michigan.

Anyway, I’ll be thinking on all of this again in the next couple months.  I don’t want to be caught without a means to make a decent living if I get laid off, or if there aren’t full time jobs.  I’ll work a nursing home if I have to, but I won’t enjoy it.  It takes a special type of person to work in any field.  I’m sure there are people who work in nursing homes who wouldn’t have my job as a gift.  I know it sounds sort of silly maybe, but I pick up on people’s moods subconsciously, and there is way to much sadness and heartache going on in that setting.  I would take that home with me daily, and I know I can’t handle that.

Time for bed, have a good night, all!