I had a minor health issue over the weekend. Nothing life threatening, only vaguely annoying. But it was THE LAST STRAW.
Again. I’ve had the last straw many times in my life, and mostly the straw ends with me on a chocolate chip cookie binge. Whether it is three days later, three hours later, or, (the more rarely) three months later, it ends with me baking in the kitchen, deluding myself that “I can start again tomorrow”, or “I’ll just have one”. I know the lies I tell myself as I tell them to myself.
Anyway, on Saturday I resolved to begin my low carb diet, and find things that would tempt me to stay on it and away from sugar for awhile. Saturday was difficult for me. Sunday was a little better. Monday was all right once I found the food to take to work for my long day. Today, the sugar withdrawals are starting to kick my ass. I’m feeling a bit jittery, anxious. I don’t have a headache yet, which is kind of nice. And I know I need to get through this.
I weighed myself on Sunday morning. I’m five feet tall, and I weighed 209.8. I am ashamed of that fact, but I’m proud of the fact that it isn’t as bad as my weight on January 1st of this year. My peak weight was 222.2, according to the WiiFit. I got rid of my scale awhile back. Well, I didn’t get rid of it so much as the battery died and my husband put it somewhere, stating, “I’ll get you a new battery.” And then he lost it. But that’s okay. I still have the WiiFit. Which also requires batteries, now that I think about it.
So yeah, being a sugar junkie. Right? Having that urge most of the time to have something sweet? And the sure tell when I’m about to go into binge mode is when I need to have something salty right afterwards. Followed by something sweet. And that can go on for weeks. I’ve actually been feeling like that for the past month or so, and I’ve been fighting it. I cave in a little, and then I pray, or just tell myself NO (it works sometimes). Those people who say that it’s not your will power that help you to lose weight are full of it. I’ve been using my will power to say NO. And hoping my will power muscle gets stronger so that I will find it easier to say no.
The most recent NO being last night at VBS, being offered popcorn, and saying sweetly, “No thank you,” like I didn’t want to grab the bag and just start pigging out. Worse, actually, was the Tootsie Pops being handed out to the kids. Have you ever tried the blueberry ones? Quite divine, I must say. And I said NO again, because, that small thing that is affecting my health? It hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten better, but even when the symptoms get better, that doesn’t mean it’s gone.
So, this low carb thing? It does get easier after the first ten days or so; the cravings become much more manageable. And I’m finding fun new foods to eat. Atkins bars are marvelous sweet substitutes when I feel like I’m going down that road again. And walking and kayaking are fun distractions.
And I’m taking up belly dance again. I did it from 2004 to 2012, and it felt like it was taking over my life. I’m doing one class, starting in a couple weeks, and hopefully it is fun again. If I do the full eight weeks, and I’m still feeling that way, then maybe I can sell off my dance stuff without feeling like, “What if I go back to that again? Then I’ll have to buy everything new again. And I spent a long time and a lot of money building my collection.”
I swear, I’m not a hoarder.