Monthly Archives: January 2015

Here’s my secret….


Since we’re starting to go viral here, and the only person I know (in person) who reads this is my mom (Hi, mom, if you see this), and she knows, I’ll just put this out in the universe.

My older daughter is having a baby.

She’s the one that graduated last year and is working on her second semester of college right now. She’s due in July, and I’m so bittersweetly happy and sad about the whole thing that I’m not sure how to handle it.

1. She’s only 18, and I was looking forward to seeing her set free upon the world, to follow her dreams, not to water her put them all off until her child(ren) are old enough like I did.
2. She’s having a baby, and I get to see it (actually, 80% probability of a him) every day.
3. We get to break it to the rest of our little piece of the world this weekend. I’m a little nervous about that. So far there is mostly support for our situation about everything, but I’m worried about everything, because, that’s just what I do, I suppose.

Mostly, right at this moment, I’m in a pretty calm place. Kind of ignoring my job when I’m not there, doing the best I can when I am, and thinking about what we need to do next. Get through the ultrasound. She wants a baby shower in the beginning of May so that her college friends can come. Yikes.

Let the planning commence, I guess!


So, depression, huh?


Not me. I told you in my last post that I’m not depressed.

My daughter thinks she is though. I’m not really sure what to think about that. All I know for sure is that her best friend no longer talks to her and it’s natural to feel sad about that for awhile. And that, for some reason, her depression makes her unable to ride the bus.

So, I’m caught between “Is my child clinically depressed and what can I do to help her?” and “I’m trying to teach my child to be independent, part of which is dressing for the weather and taking the bus and making sure she leaves in a timely manner to do both.”

When the conversation dissolves into tears on both ends, however, I need to rethink my strategy. I’m on shaky ground here, as she’s 13 and coming slowly off of a “hates her mom” phase. I don’t want to end up back there. I just want a real conversation about WHY she can’t take the bus. “Because I hate it.”

Okay. WHY do you hate it? Are you being bullied? No? Are people talking about you behind your back? Maybe? Well, what are they saying? You don’t know?

Am I a horrible mom because I want to teach my child independence and don’t want to drive her to school when there’s a bus perfectly capable of doing so? Because she imagines in her head that people are talking about her? Give me some facts and I’ll work with you, girl, but don’t tell me that you just don’t know. If you want me to be sympathetic, tell me, and I’ll help the best I can.

But don’t throw ambiguous arguments at me and then burst into tears. That’s probably the fastest way in the world to piss me off. I care if you are depressed, and I care if you are bullied, but yelling at me isn’t going to make me want to drive you to school.

And, now that I’m already late because I had to drive you because you intentionally dawdled in the bathroom, and made the time to write this little ditty, I have to go to work.

Take the bus home.

I’m isolating myself.


Don’t worry, I’m not depressed or anything. I don’t think?

I’m just making adjustments in my personal life, and I think some down time, away from the internet, and away from my computer, are necessary for me to organize and process the things going on in it. I’m tired of stupid videos on facebook. I’m tired of junk mail.

I’m also trying to find a new job. This one is yanking my chain. Apparently I’m on of the more valued employees because I’m willing to be flexible with my hours, but they are cutting my hours. So…. waiting for something better to come along, kind of casually searching. My bosses have never done anything wrong to me, but I don’t like the way they treat the techs and the billers. It’s crap.

And finally, my husband and I received a financial gift some time ago. I know who gave it, however, they did it anonymously. While I love them for it, I feel like…. I don’t know what I feel like. I grew up listening to people grousing about finances, and I’m trying to not be one of those people, and I’m not doing a very good job at it. It’s a bad habit, and I guess in accepting that money, it makes me feel ashamed a little, because of my background. I’m so used to doing things for myself, making ends meet, etc… that it’s challenging for me to accept a gift for what it is: an act of kindness.

I don’t want to be one of those people who can’t accept a kindness either.

Hence, inner turmoil.

I also hate being one of those people who overthinks everything, but I have long since accepted that part of my personality. It’s not changing. And, the plus side of that being, if I’m THINKING about something, I’m not running my mouth.

So, in the thinking process, I’m isolating myself from other distractions. I suppose I’m changing even. Hopefully for the better. Maybe it’s even healthy and wise.


Intelligence vs. Common Sense


I’m not sure that this post will sound very intelligent, because I think I fall into the latter category. However, this has been on my mind lately as life’s events take me where they will, and I just don’t feel like I’m very smart.

I feel like I’m not that smart at my job, though I’ve developed my skills the best that I can. But when new information comes at me, and it’s more complex than I’m used to, I freeze up and can’t really process it in a way that enables me to further my skills in an appreciable way. Maybe it’s the way it’s being explained? When I treat my patients (I am a physical therapist assistant, otherwise known as a PTA), I tend to look at the big picture. As in, what sorts of muscle groups are we going to need to regain function? What type of movement patterns are needed to resume work duties? I don’t look at my patients and go, “Hey, what about isolating subscapularis in a pain free range of motion to accomplish such and such?”

I just don’t get it.

On the other hand, I can look at a situation and think of a way to make it easier. I’m fairly accomplished at answering riddles. People at work tell me I’m so smart but it’s usually after I say something that, well, makes sense, that they didn’t think of. I do fairly well on IQ tests, usually falling into the low 130s. I’m not bragging, per se, but stating that those tests certainly don’t put real world applications into place. They don’t make one more organized. They don’t help one to speak to the public or mingle with society in an improved way.

And having common sense coupled with an slightly out there sense of humor, gives me lots of room for being amused. And puzzled, at times. What was that guy thinking when he ran into the wall?

However, being a fairly creative person, I’m pretty sure the answer in my head is funnier than reality.

I think that some intelligent people don’t necessarily think outside the box, and believe most of what is told to them without thinking it through. And perhaps people with common sense, form opinions and are maybe slow to listen to the opposite side and think about whether or not they might be wrong, or if there is more information out there.

This is all speculation, of course, but I’d welcome any opinions you all might have on the topic.

Happy New Year!