If you have read my blog in the past, you know that I’m a Christian who is struggling with sharing my faith.
If you haven’t read before, welcome!
I’ll just state for the record that I did not hear the audible voice of God. When I “hear” from God, it is through the Holy Spirit, usually in the form of mental “nudges”, for lack of a better word. Recently, a missionary visited our church and said that it’s a lot like when you get a prick from your conscience, only you aren’t deliberating with yourself about a sinful act; you are deliberating on something that is advocated in the Bible. If it’s advocated in the Bible, and your “conscience” is prickling you about it, we should probably act on it.
I thought that was a great explanation of how to hear from the Holy Spirit, and in the past year or so, I’ve took note of that little voice. Sometimes I act on it, sometimes I don’t. When I don’t, then my conscience speaks up, which does feel about the same, but tinged with regret.
I’ve been reading “The One Thing You Can’t Do in Heaven” by Mark Cahill. He’s easy to read, and his passion for the topic shines through on every page. That ONE THING, of course, is talking to those who don’t know about the free gift from God that is our salvation.
And as I read, my natural shyness comes forth, and my unwillingness to talk about this stuff to people (except via blog where it’s easier as I don’t have to have the right words immediately), and I’m frustrated with myself. I pray for my family all the time, but I’ve never had a frank discussion with them about my faith. And I know that if I never do, I will always regret that.
And so, this morning, as I was going out the door, I happened to glance at my Bible sitting on the table by the door. That little twinge struck me, that I should read a little something before I leave. my first instinct was, No, I have to get to work, I’m running a little behind schedule and I don’t have time. I actually pulled the door open, shut the voice in my head up, and randomly opened a page. I pulled open right in the middle somewhere, and then I shifted to where I knew it had to be New Testament. I don’t know why.
And this was what I read:
Matthew 13:1-9 (ESV)
That same day, Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. And great crowds gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat down. And the whole crowd stood on the beach. and he told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty. He who has ears, let them hear.
It continues on in verse 18 to explain the meaning behind the parable. The gist of it is this:
The seeds on the path that the birds eat = Satan snatches away the meaning of the Word of God
The seeds on the rocks = Someone that hears the Word, but falls away when the cares of the world grow too intense
The seed on the thorns = The cares of the world and love of the things of this world choke the Word
The seed in good soil = One who hears and understands the Word.
(forgive my paraphrasing)
I’d like to say I’m a seed in good soil, but I know the thorns are there. The distractions of this world pile up, money, work, kids, sickness, whatever it is that pulls me from God is a thorn.
So because I listened to that little voice this morning, I have this nice little testimony to give. I still struggle with doubt, fear, anger, forgiveness. I can be judgmental, annoying, sinful.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I have stolen. I’ve committed adultery. I swear sometimes. I’m not perfect. But, I am forgiven. I try to do better every day. Some days are better than others. But I know where I’m going when I die.
And I’m tired of being a shy, ashamed little girl who can’t stand for her faith. I want to be a WOMAN for GOD!!!!!
And He spoke to me today, through His Word!!!