I was feeling blessed for awhile, and while I know that I am still blessed, I’m struggling with the feeling of being blessed, if that makes any sense.
I have financial security, a job that pays well, the intelligence to maintain good college grades while managing teenage girls, a husband, a full time job, and a grandbaby.
My personal life overall is great, and I have no complaints. I’m paying down debt, almost done paying off my car (7 more months), and having regular date nights with my hubby.
My work, however, is pissing me off, and it’s affecting me in different ways depending on the days. Basically though, I e-mailed my boss recently regarding some issues I had with changes in policy that they made seemingly randomly with no other thought involved than to save a few bucks. Namely, we are not allowed to take time off during holiday weeks without a 3 month notice (which they told us at the beginning of December) and that if they approve a day off that is next to a paid holiday (no matter how far in advance it is) then we will not be paid for it.
I call bullshit.
Anyway, so she offers me a .50 raise, starting on the next paycheck. Okay fine. I’ll take an extra $15 a week, whatever. So I go on to check on payday, and I see that I’m not making as much as I thought I was. So I e-mail her, and it turns out I never got the raise promised me last winter, and in the turmoil that is my life, I forgot to double check and I’ve basically been shorted $1.50 an hour for a year.
I got the raise, and am apparently going to get back pay but as my husband says, it’s not in my hand yet, so believe it when you see it.
I’m feeling hateful, because she lied to me about how much the raise was, because she didn’t do her job and make sure I got it (yes, I should have been paying attention, and I own that, but I didn’t even get an apology. I got blamed because apparently I have to nag the crap out of them to get anything done), because of the holiday pay thing (I want to take July 3 off), because they treat the office staff like shit, and because I damn well feel angry right now. I’m mad because my parents were in town for Christmas and I didn’t get to take a single day off to see them, so only saw them 3 times while they were here. I’m also mad that today I worked 10 hours with only a 7 minute break to wolf down half my lunch.
I need to get over this mental block and move on. I have an opportunity for a job interview, but I need to call. But it’s the same crap everywhere you go. I don’t know why I’m trying to get into management and leadership. My biggest fear is that I will become what I’m angry at right now.
I hope to post at least once a week. With everything happening this last year, I haven’t prioritized writing. I miss it. And I’m sorry that my first post in months is made on such a negative tone. I will be more positive next time!